Friendship of Desire (Painful Deliverance Book 3) Read online

  "Come on. Come with me to my place and tell Uncle Tom all about it."

  Soon they were in his bedroom, sitting up on his bed.

  "Now, tell me what has you so upset tonight."

  "I … I think I want to split up from Scott," Samantha said, almost resolved to do what she was thinking of doing, but at the same time thinking she might be making a mistake.

  "Okay. What are you finding difficult about that? Are you really unhappy with him?"

  "No. Yes. Oh, I don't know! That is the problem! Sometimes we are good together, but so often now we just argue all the time, and I feel like I just don't want to be around him."

  "Then don't be."

  She looked at Tom and laughed softly.

  "You make it sound so easy."

  "No, not easy. But Samantha, if you aren't happy, why would you think it would be a good thing to stay with him?"

  "Because I know he is a good person."

  Tom felt a physical feeling as if he had been kicked in the stomach.

  "There are a lot of good people in the world. That doesn't mean we are necessarily supposed to be romantically involved with them," he said quietly.

  Samantha heard the depth of what he was saying, and instantly felt a sadness. He was one of the good ones - he was the best good one, in her eyes. And yet love never seemed to come his way. Or at least, he never seemed to recognise it, even when he was looking right at it.

  "I know. But he doesn't really give me any reason to end the relationship."

  "Well, I cannot pretend to be any expert since I am not experienced in relationships, but I would think that not being happy in it probably is reason enough to not be in it, wouldn't it?"

  "Yes. I know that you are right. I think I've just been putting it off, not wanting to hurt him, but perhaps he shall be glad for it to happen - for it to be taken out of his hands."

  "Perhaps," she heard Tom say quietly, as if he were deep in thought. She could not know how torn he always was, wanting in part for her to be happy, even if that meant with someone else, but also wanting her to be single so that there might be some chance her view would change and she would finally see him in a different way.

  "I should get going. I have to get up early in the morning for course," Samantha said to him as she stood up.

  Turning to him she appreciated again how lucky she was to have him in her life.

  "Thank you, Tom. I know I am always going on about one drama or another…"

  He stood up and put his arms around her.

  "No you aren't. And I'm always here for you."

  "Goodnight," she said to him, pulling away and heading out his bedroom door.

  ~~~~~

  On her course the following day Samantha tried to maintain focus on her studies but her mind kept drifting to Scott.

  "Where is your head today?" her design classroom partner Emma asked. "You looked like you didn't hear anything in that lecture, which isn't like you."

  The girls were sitting in the cafeteria at lunchtime, together but not having talked yet.

  "Oh, sorry Emma. I think I am going to end my relationship, and the decision is plaguing me somewhat."

  "Oh God. Been there, done that! It sucks, making that kind of decision, doesn't it! But Samantha, if you are having doubts about the person you are with, walk. I have struggled with such decisions in the past but I can tell you that after the talk has been had, and I've walked away finally, I've never regretted it."

  "Really?"

  "Really! Making the decision seems like a big deal, but really, if you were that happy you wouldn't be thinking about ending it at all, would you? That's my opinion on it, anyway."

  Samantha lodged the words into her memory to consider later, and changed the subject. Talking about anything else would be better than talking about Scott for the rest of the day!

  ~~~~~

  As she walked out of her classroom at the end of that day, she was surprised to find Scott waiting for her outside.

  "Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked him and instantly could feel that something was up.

  "I want to talk to you. Can I give you a ride home, and talk on the way?"

  She nodded, feeling the ominous mood coming from him.

  Once in the car, Scott turned on the engine, as if he had full intention of driving her home as he had said, but then he turned it off again and turned to her.

  "Samantha, I'm so sorry," he said, now causing confusion in Samantha. "I … last week I received a call from Jane - my ex - and she wants us to get back together. And I didn't think I would ever want to go back there but she…"

  Samantha sighed, not letting him sense that she was feeling inside of her a hint of … relief … happiness.

  "The two of you are better suited to what you need, Scott. It's okay, I understand."

  "I'm so sorry. I would never want to hurt you. I have loved spending all this time you," he said, looking at her face and seeing her nod.

  "We gave it a good go, Scott, but even though you are the same age as me, you are worlds ahead in the essential aspects." She laughed all of a sudden, and then smiled at him. "It's all good, Scott. Thank you for meeting me and telling me in person. Take care."

  With that he saw her climb out of his car and walk away without looking back.

  5 ~ THE NEW PLAY PARTNERS

  In the weeks after Scott had told Samantha he didn't want to see her anymore, Samantha kept her head down and refocused on her studies, determined to work even harder toward her goal of becoming a recognised dressmaker. It was her dream and she had become distracted from it, but she would work hard and get herself back on track.

  During that first month she didn't talk to Tom as much. Things felt a little raw between them - they had done since the night she had asked his opinion about her breaking up with Scott, and him not telling her exactly what she had wanted to hear. Yes, she knew it was unfair of her but she didn't care. For the moment she wanted space from him - from everyone - so she was going to take it, just until she could get her head where it needed to be. She wasn't sad about the break-up but it still consumed her thoughts on some days.

  Meanwhile, Tom simply waited patiently. From their years as friends he was well used to her periodically taking time out from spending time with him, and he knew that all he could do then was wait and see if she would eventually find her way back to him.

  ~~~~~

  As the second month began, she started to feel like she was desperately missing Tom. She thought she should be missing Scott, but no, it was definitely Tom she was missing the company of. And, as often was the case when she took periods of time like this, she reached a point where she could hardly remember why she had thought she was annoyed at him at all.

  On a weekend morning she made her way to his house in the hope of catching at home.

  "Samantha!" Tom's mother greeted her at the front door of their home, as she always had. "Tom is still in bed but go and wake him up."

  Samantha laughed and nodded.

  "Okay."

  She walked up to his door and knocked gently.

  "Hmm?" she heard a mumble from the other side of the door, and she opened the door a small amount.

  "It's me," she said quietly, in case he was really sleeping, but instantly she saw his head come up and look at her.

  "Yep, I'm awake. Come in, stranger."

  She approached the bed, as always loving looking at him as he lay there with only his head visible, due to the care he took to make sure all of his body was completely covered up.

  Tom watched her close his door and approach, looking so shy and young in that moment.

  "What's up?" he asked her, encouraging her to be the one to start the conversation.

  Samantha sat on the bed and looked down at him.

  "I just missed you," she said and Tom was surprised to see her eyes glistening.

  He held out his arms to her and she let herself be pulled down into them, neither saying anything but feeling so differ
ent in that moment. Like they were both complete once more.

  ~~~~~

  When she pulled away from him they looked at each other before finally she spoke.

  "I'm sorry I haven't wanted to talk. I did split up with Scott, and I just wanted some time to myself."

  "That's okay. How have you been though?"

  "I'm okay. Actually to be honest, the day that I was going to split up with Scott, he broke up with me."

  "Oh! Did it take you by surprise?"

  She nodded, moving her eyes away from his for the moment.

  "Actually it did surprise me, but I wasn't actually sad about the relationship ending. I think I was more angry at myself for now having been in two such waste of time relationships," she said and paused before continuing. "Silly, huh?"

  "No, not at all," he said, smiling sadly at her. "No more B … D … S … M then?" he laughed softly, taking his time spelling the letters out.

  She looked at him, having forgotten about that aspect of her time with Scott.

  "What?" he asked her, reading her depth of thinking on her face. "No! You want to keep doing that?"

  She hadn't given it any thought but now that he put the idea in her head, she looked thoughtful.

  "I … don't … know."

  Tom said nothing, wishing silently that he hadn't brought the topic up at all.

  "Would you?" she asked him, confusing him with the question.

  "Would I … what?"

  "Would you like to give it another go?"

  Tom was surprised by the turn of conversation but determined to not read anything into it.

  "With … you?" he asked tentatively, uncertain where the conversation was going.

  "Yes! Oh Tom, what a good idea! What do you think? You and I could be play partners at the club!"

  Tom sat up now, not caring about keeping every inch of himself covered up.

  "What? Samantha, you are joking! Right?"

  "No. Why?"

  "I know I tried it that one time. But I really don't want to be hit!"

  Samantha thought about the possibilities opening up before her. She could try things differently if she went to the club without Scott. He had always been so rigid in everything and that had kept things from being relaxed and easy, but with Tom it could be so different.

  "No, we could be in opposite roles. You felt okay using the crop on Angelica, didn't you?"

  "Yes…" he replied quietly, finding himself not believing where their conversation was going.

  "Then you could be the dominant, Tom. I don't mind trying to be the submissive…"

  Tom suddenly laughed at her.

  "You?! A submissive? Being told what to do?"

  Samantha laughed with him.

  "Yes! I am sure I could … adapt."

  He looked at her, wondering where this latest thinking was coming from, but knew he was already resolved to try whatever she was going to suggest. Just as he always had been.

  "Will you? Can we?" she asked and he took a moment to really think about it.

  "Samantha, I don't think I could hit you…"

  "You were fine with Angelica…"

  "She isn't you!"

  "Well what difference does that make?"

  "It … just … does."

  They sat in silence for a while, their minds both individually working in their own spaces, at their own paces.

  "I am going to have to get ready for work soon," he said, looking at the time and finding relief that he had a valid reason to cut the conversation short.

  "Okay, I will leave you. But will you think about it?"

  He nodded at her.

  "Okay! Now go away," he said fondly as she smiled at him and left as quietly as she had arrived.

  ~~~~~

  Later that day while working on the checkout, Tom found his mind wandering to her question. He didn't know if she had been serious or not, but a part of him hoped she had been joking. He could still remember how Angelica and other women in the club had looked when he had gone there - how little they wore - and the thought of him seeing Samantha like that was enough to concern him. It was hard enough at times to keep his feelings straight about her, and he wasn't sure how his body would react to seeing her dressed like that - or not dressed, as the case may be.

  ~~~~~

  When the discussion finally came up again some weeks later, Tom found that he equally was and was not surprised by it.

  "What have you decided?" she asked him without reference to anything in particular, but he knew what she was talking about.

  "Are you really serious about this, Samantha? Please tell me straight - don't joke about this."

  "No, I am completely serious, Tom! I want to try this with you."

  He looked closely at her, so many thoughts going through his head.

  "I don't know if I could hit you…" he said quietly and she hugged him.

  "You will only do what I am comfortable with, and I will not push you to do more to me than you wish to."

  "But this dominant thing. I was doing some research and I am supposed to make all the decisions."

  "Yes, traditionally."

  "But I couldn't do that. I will only agree to even try it, if we agree that you will choose what is used, when it is used, and how hard it is used."

  "Alright," Samantha said, a smile growing on her face. "I agree to those terms. I don't think it is traditional but we don't need to worry about that. Plenty of people at the club are not doing what is traditional in a club such as that, I have been told, and the people there seem nice. You know Angelica and Tony…" she said and immediately saw him blush and roll his eyes, making her laugh.

  "You better not expect me to dress like Tony!" he said and Samantha laughed even harder.

  "No! No, thank you - you can keep your clothes on!"

  "And you?" he asked, teasing her. "How many of your clothes will come off?"

  To which she replied with one of her now infamous punches on his arm.

  "Ow! It was a legitimate question - look at what Angelica wears … or doesn't wear as may be more the case."

  Samantha laughed harder at him.

  "No, I am not going to have my … chest … on full display, thank you very much. The most you will see is my cute butt."

  Tom had to control his blush then, working hard to prevent himself from thinking anything about any part of her body, and Samantha could see him trying to do the best he could to maintain focus on the right things.

  "Well you had better appreciate me as the very best friend you've ever had, if you are going to force me to look at your cute butt!"

  She laughed at him again, finally putting him at ease.

  "Will we see Scott there, though? What should I expect if that happens?" he asked her and finally saw her simmer down with a serious look on her face.

  "I would like to go on a different night to him. I know that he and I both wanted things to end, but I don't want to see him really."

  "Alright, well you need to work out what night we shall go and I will rearrange my work schedule if I need to, to go with you, cute butt girl."

  "Oh! Thank you!" Samantha said, excited by the prospect.

  "But listen, I am going to look at some apartments this weekend - will you come along with me and look around to help me choose?"

  "You are moving out of home?"

  He laughed at her.

  "Yes I think it is past time to be in my own space. Do you want to look with me?"

  She nodded enthusiastically.

  ~~~~~

  That weekend the two of them looked at three apartments, and Tom found one that was ideal for him for cost and location. Although it would be him moving in, it was Samantha who seemed most excited, jumping up and down like she was a child at Christmas.

  "Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!" she said as she grabbed his arm and jumped around, making him laugh at her. "Can I help you buy stuff for it, too?"

  He couldn't help but catch on to her enthusiasm, as he nodded
at her.

  "Sure. Of course you can tell me what to spend my hard earned cash on. What else are friends for?" he teased her and she laughed more.

  6 ~ THE TEST OF A FRIENDSHIP

  After moving into his apartment, Tom found a steady lifestyle with his work and spending time with Samantha. With him having his own apartment, she seemed to visit him far more often, during the hours that he had off work and she was free from her course.

  When the time came for her to take him to the club, he found himself becoming extremely anxious about it.

  "What are you worried about?" she asked him softly when they were about to leave his apartment, to head there.

  "It is just new to me. And I don't want to hurt you."

  She hugged him tightly - something he never got tired of.

  "We'll just ease into it. They have all sorts of things there that we can try, so I'll pick one thing at a time and we can just work it out between us."

  "Okay."

  When they got there, Tom was greeted again by Grant and Valda, and welcomed to the club as a participant, before Angelica and Tony approached them.

  "Tom! You are here at last - I knew you had it in you," Angelica gushed at him and they all laughed, now understanding there was nothing behind her outrageous flirting with people in the club. She then became more quiet. "But listen, let me introduce you to the smaller, easier things first," she said, leading him away, with Samantha and Tony following behind.

  Tom looked at things she picked up and showed him the use of, but he kept referring back to Samantha.

  "Which of you is going to choose what is going to be used each time?" Angelica finally asked and Tom was relieved the question had come up.

  "Samantha is. I want her to tell me what she wants me to try on her, and we will work together to figure out what level of strike I will use on her, that we will both feel comfortable with," Tom said and Angelica nodded.

  "That is good. It is easy to think that you can handle receiving or delivering the pain, but sometimes it can come as a surprise, being on either side of it, so working up to things slowly is a good approach. You two will be fine."

  After a while she and Tony left and Samantha came closer to him.